Cultivating Generosity

Daily I’m more and more appreciative of the kindness and generosity of others. The tech support person who truly listens, and solves the problem. The acquaintance who gives me a spontaneous hug. A friend’s well-informed guidance on ways to take political action. An invitation to dinner. Ordinary generosity is taking on extraordinary dimensions these days: a kind word, oranges brought to a meeting, a hand-written note.

In a culture of increasing divisiveness, fear and uncertainty, kindness and generosity are balm for the heart. I am especially grateful to be co-hosting a webinar series, “Giver, Receiver, Gift: The Spiritual Practice of Money,” with Linda Ruth Cutts through the San Francisco Zen Center. Buddhism has much to teach about the interconnection of life, our attachments, and how to cultivate generosity.

Now, more than ever, is a good time to practice generosity with ourselves, others and in our relationship to money.

Published 2/8/17

On Giving: The Pope’s Advice on Panhandling

When I returned home from the grocery store my husband told me that my wallet had been found. It was lost and found in the same moment, I hadn’t even known it was missing. Antonio had come across it on the street where I’d loaded groceries into the car. He called AAA (my membership card was in the wallet), to get my phone number.

The next day I placed a $20 bill on the pages of the open book a homeless woman was reading. Seeing her sitting on a bench in the sun warmed my heart. A few minutes later Antonio came to mind and his saying, “We all need each other” when I’d called to thank him. His gift of returning my wallet was inspiring my gifting others. It was contagious.

The Pope recently said that giving to the needy is “always right.” According to a NYT article, he said that giving in a way that retains dignity is as important as the gift. We need to look the person in the eye and see them as human.

In light of the increasing needs of so many, we will be repeatedly called on to stretch our capacity for generosity. What opens your wallet? What inspires you to give money or to give of yourself in other ways?

Published 3/25/17

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall

As I was walking by a pond in upstate New York recently, the dragonflies were mesmerizing. I love insects and these were among the most beautiful dragonflies I had ever seen, quite unlike any others. But the dragonflies also revealed a vein of competition within me, which I know well, a subtle categorizing and hierarchy of best, better, worst, and less than. Without realizing it, I was holding a Dragonfly Beauty Pageant in my mind.

Absurd as it is, it made me think about how insidious competition is in our lives and culture. And of course, money is used as one of the primary means of competing and comparing. “Keeping up with the Joneses” is not about having enough, it’s about having as much as those around us. How much is your sense of having enough influenced by those you live near, work with, and are friends with?

Why do we give so much weight to competition? We learn early to gauge our success and worth by comparing ourselves to others. This is a disservice to our own unique gifts and challenges, and is a guarantee for unhappiness. To use a current example, the hurricanes show us how quickly our ground can be obliterated, how our circumstances can change arbitrarily, and what matters most.

I would like to live the rest of my life comparing and competing as little as possible, and supporting and being supported as much as possible.

Published 9/27/17

What Remains When All Is Lost?

Earlier this month, my wallet was stolen while I was visiting Venice, Italy, for the very first time. After dropping our suitcases off at the hotel, we had walked for a few minutes when I took a city map out of my purse. In my excitement, I left my purse unzipped and soon after my wallet was gone. I felt an immediate sense of violation, disbelief, disorientation, and disappointment at my carelessness.

Yet losing a wallet is chump change in light of significant losses, like those from the recent fires in northern California. But it does illuminate how a wallet or money, a car, a house, clothing, papers, books, and other mementos anchor our sense of self and well-being. “Things” are important for we create our world and home with them, they give us shelter and allow us to do so much.

Last week, I met a woman who lost all her possessions in the fire. She reminded me that stripping away the trappings of life can put us in touch with the deeper meaning of life. She wrote this to me: “I pray that your day ahead is full of deep recognition and appreciation of the simple things: the warmth of a hug given and received, nourishment and gratitude for every bite of food, praise for each drink of clean water, the power of your feet rooted into the earth and your spine oriented to the light of the sun. It’s when there’s so little left that we can feel the true power of the little that remains.”

Let us remember that while “things” anchor us they also numb, encumber, and distract us. It’s easy to lose sight of the cost to us, individually and collectively, of living in a world where shopping and acquiring is the focus of so much of our attention. Let us remember what is truly important as we encounter more and more insecurity and loss in the world. And if you lost it all, what would still remain of importance and value in your life?

Published 10/25/17

Giver, Receiver, Gift

We are in the midst of what has become the season of giving and receiving. Giving and receiving are big business, especially this month. There’s a year-end pressure to buy gifts for family and friends, and to donate. The “asks” from nonprofits are overflowing in our mail and email boxes. It’s easy, and sometimes appropriate, to be cynical and dismissive of this hard sell. But I also know of the benefit and pleasure that comes from offering money, even small sums, to help people and causes.

What brings you pleasure in giving to charities and those in need? Why do you give? What are you feeling as you write the check or click the donate button? Does the amount you give matter? If so, in what way? How do you decide what causes and organizations to give to? Do you expect something in return? Do you like your gifts publicly recognized? If so, why? How much does the current tax write off influence your giving?

Giver, receiver, and gift are wrapped together as one in Buddhism, they cannot be separated. There is no giver without a receiver and no receiver without a giver. When we are giving, we are also simultaneously receiving. When we are receiving, we are also giving. The gift itself is equally integral and important. As a board member of several non-profits I know that the gift of money is an expression of generosity of spirit as well as of funds. Giving is a response to what is needed in the world, it sustains organizations and individuals. Donations, symbolizing the givers’ recognition of the value of the work being done, also create a community of support that goes way beyond dollars and cents.

There really is no one season of giving as we are giving and receiving daily. Without labeling it as giving/receiving that is what we are doing in the ordinary activities of listening attentively to another, cooking a meal for someone in need, buying a cup of tea for a friend, paying a provider for their services, feeding wild birds, and a myriad mix of other gestures of connection. Giving money is an important act but not to be confused with giving of ourselves, our time, our thoughtfulness, our taking action in the world. As Maya Angelou wrote in Letter to My Daughter:

That day, I learned that I could be a giver by simply bringing a smile to another person. The ensuing years have taught me that a kind word, a vote of support is a charitable gift. I can move over and make another place for someone. I can turn my music up if it pleases, or down if it is annoying. I may never be known as a philanthropist, but I certainly am a lover of mankind, and I will give freely of my resources.

May your giving and receiving be fulfilling this holiday season.

Published 12/19/17

Seed Money

Although we plant seeds in the garden in the spring it is in the winter, during the darkest days, that is the most fertile time for planting seeds in our psyches and in our lives. The dark is the best time to turn inward and do the inner work that will guide us through the rest of year.

The coins pictured are made of paper and seeds, and are called “Seed Money.” They are light and playful yet carry powerful symbolism. Seeds are one of our most valuable resources, we could not survive without them. Money can be incredibly generative as well, it can be consciously utilized as “seed money” bringing new life and nourishment.

What are your deepest callings? How can you use money to seed your garden this year?

Published 1/20/16