What Gifts Open Your Heart?

Recently I helped a friend collect and distribute clothing for the homeless. She’s been doing this for eight years and taught me her system of neatly folding and displaying the items so that people can choose what they want, almost as if they were in a store.

I’ve had amazingly profound conversations over those neatly folded bins of clothing. But what has bowled me over the most has been the intensity of their expressions of

thanks. Each and every person, whether taking just a pair of socks or a bag full of sweaters and coats, expressed heartfelt thanks so genuinely that it shot straight to my heart.

Last time one of the women couldn’t thank us enough as she tried on different items and filled a bag full of clothes. As we were leaving she offered us a few pieces of fruit. Her way of thanking us included giving us something in return.

Traditional Hawaiian culture teaches that we are always to give first. Imagine such a world; one where we share what we have and extend ourselves first rather than waiting to see what we can get or what will be given.

Perhaps it’s inevitable that we (myself included) have lost some of the capacity to feel that kind of deep appreciation for the gifts given to us. I am working on seeing what gifts can open my heart each day: something beautiful in nature, a meal prepared by a friend, a smile from a stranger, a hot shower, a dog eager to see me. When I take things for granted, let alone feel entitled, gratitude doesn’t stand a chance.

Published 2/26/16

How Much Is Enough?

New Year’s Day was especially significant for me as we transferred ownership—after 14 ½ years—of Point Reyes Books to its new stewards. I wanted to do something significant to mark the first day of our new lives and so we attended a tea ceremony at Green Gulch Farm Zen Center.

In addition to the delicious thick green tea and mochi sweets, I found much nourishment in the beauty of the objects and the ceremony. When a fresh bowl of tea arrived we were told how many people, either five or six, the bowl would serve. It was our responsibility to gauge what our share was, making sure to leave enough for those that followed.

What a wonderful and rare teaching, that our share is not predetermined but is a marriage of what we are given and what others need. This speaks to me about my relationship with money that I need to both look out for myself and for others, simultaneously. And that by do so I am experiencing—and expressing—that we are interconnected. It also reflects an idea of a world in which there could be something for everyone, even though we are given different amounts.

At the tea ceremony there was so much to see and appreciate in just a few beautiful objects in the room, when we slowed down and really looked. A reminder that less is more when we pay deep attention.

Published 1/12/17

Cultivating Generosity

Daily I’m more and more appreciative of the kindness and generosity of others. The tech support person who truly listens, and solves the problem. The acquaintance who gives me a spontaneous hug. A friend’s well-informed guidance on ways to take political action. An invitation to dinner. Ordinary generosity is taking on extraordinary dimensions these days: a kind word, oranges brought to a meeting, a hand-written note.

In a culture of increasing divisiveness, fear and uncertainty, kindness and generosity are balm for the heart. I am especially grateful to be co-hosting a webinar series, “Giver, Receiver, Gift: The Spiritual Practice of Money,” with Linda Ruth Cutts through the San Francisco Zen Center. Buddhism has much to teach about the interconnection of life, our attachments, and how to cultivate generosity.

Now, more than ever, is a good time to practice generosity with ourselves, others and in our relationship to money.

Published 2/8/17

On Giving: The Pope’s Advice on Panhandling

When I returned home from the grocery store my husband told me that my wallet had been found. It was lost and found in the same moment, I hadn’t even known it was missing. Antonio had come across it on the street where I’d loaded groceries into the car. He called AAA (my membership card was in the wallet), to get my phone number.

The next day I placed a $20 bill on the pages of the open book a homeless woman was reading. Seeing her sitting on a bench in the sun warmed my heart. A few minutes later Antonio came to mind and his saying, “We all need each other” when I’d called to thank him. His gift of returning my wallet was inspiring my gifting others. It was contagious.

The Pope recently said that giving to the needy is “always right.” According to a NYT article, he said that giving in a way that retains dignity is as important as the gift. We need to look the person in the eye and see them as human.

In light of the increasing needs of so many, we will be repeatedly called on to stretch our capacity for generosity. What opens your wallet? What inspires you to give money or to give of yourself in other ways?

Published 3/25/17

Giver, Receiver, Gift

We are in the midst of what has become the season of giving and receiving. Giving and receiving are big business, especially this month. There’s a year-end pressure to buy gifts for family and friends, and to donate. The “asks” from nonprofits are overflowing in our mail and email boxes. It’s easy, and sometimes appropriate, to be cynical and dismissive of this hard sell. But I also know of the benefit and pleasure that comes from offering money, even small sums, to help people and causes.

What brings you pleasure in giving to charities and those in need? Why do you give? What are you feeling as you write the check or click the donate button? Does the amount you give matter? If so, in what way? How do you decide what causes and organizations to give to? Do you expect something in return? Do you like your gifts publicly recognized? If so, why? How much does the current tax write off influence your giving?

Giver, receiver, and gift are wrapped together as one in Buddhism, they cannot be separated. There is no giver without a receiver and no receiver without a giver. When we are giving, we are also simultaneously receiving. When we are receiving, we are also giving. The gift itself is equally integral and important. As a board member of several non-profits I know that the gift of money is an expression of generosity of spirit as well as of funds. Giving is a response to what is needed in the world, it sustains organizations and individuals. Donations, symbolizing the givers’ recognition of the value of the work being done, also create a community of support that goes way beyond dollars and cents.

There really is no one season of giving as we are giving and receiving daily. Without labeling it as giving/receiving that is what we are doing in the ordinary activities of listening attentively to another, cooking a meal for someone in need, buying a cup of tea for a friend, paying a provider for their services, feeding wild birds, and a myriad mix of other gestures of connection. Giving money is an important act but not to be confused with giving of ourselves, our time, our thoughtfulness, our taking action in the world. As Maya Angelou wrote in Letter to My Daughter:

That day, I learned that I could be a giver by simply bringing a smile to another person. The ensuing years have taught me that a kind word, a vote of support is a charitable gift. I can move over and make another place for someone. I can turn my music up if it pleases, or down if it is annoying. I may never be known as a philanthropist, but I certainly am a lover of mankind, and I will give freely of my resources.

May your giving and receiving be fulfilling this holiday season.

Published 12/19/17